Relationships and Breast Cancer!

I normally post this story every year during National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but breast cancer touches women everyday, not just during the month of October.

I decided to share my story because I am a proud seven year survivor and I would like to address another aspect of breast cancer…RELATIONSHIPS!

There are many emotions associated with this disease; anxiety, stress, lack of confidence and low self esteem, just to name a few.

Some women are so embarrassed and ashamed because of the physical aspects associated with this disease that they may choose to live in solitude for fear of rejection and ridicule from the opposite sex.

Just the other day, a friend who had recently finished up radiation treatment said to me “How will a man ever want me now? I have such an ugly scar there!”

 I decided to repost my story as I do every year at this time in hope that it will help other women who are or may experience this disease understand that there is life and romance after breast cancer.

Enjoy! 

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After my life altering experience with Breast Cancer…after all the chemo treatments and my hair finally began to grow back…after the radiation that burned and broke down my flesh so badly I couldn’t wear a top for weeks. I was faced with a new dilemma… RELATIONSHIPS!!!

How was I going to tell a man who was interested in me, that I only had one breast?

When I looked in the mirror at my reflection where there used to be two very large, dark, succulent nipples; the right side of my chest now held a new tattoo…an ugly scar where my surgeons’ scalpel had sliced off everything that made me feel a woman…

The first one was the hardest. He couldn’t understand my reluctance to let go…feel free…and revel in intimacy. It wasn’t his fault, he simply didn’t know why I kept my bra on, why I didn’t want to be touched there… I was too ashamed to reveal the ugly truth.

After I finally broke it down, he suprised me. Gently pulling me from my reluctance as he undressed me. I tried to cover myself, push him away, but he saw me, I mean REALLY saw me. Tenderly and lovingly he kissed my new tattoo. I watched his face for any sign of disgust in my new unwanted tattoo. But I only saw the passion and fire in his eyes. He kissed my non-existent breast as if his lips were wrapped around a perfect pair of 36 C’s…

I learned something about myself that day. I was a beautiful woman. I was still as sexy and desirable as I was before I had my perfect globe of flesh amputated.

It took me three years to finally go through with reconstructive surgery. Not because I need it to complete me, but because I got tired of the nuisance of balancing out my body with pads or padded bras, so my clothing would fit right.

Today, I am a better me because of my experience with breast cancer. Thank God, I am 7 years cancer free!!! Through my experience with cancer, I gained a better knowledge about myself. No matter what I have amputated on the outside, I’m still the same on the inside.

Today the scars are barely visible and if I didn’t tell a man about my ordeal, he wouldn’t know…

I have allowed myself to be transparent in hopes that maybe other women will gain some comfort from my story.

                         

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Your Health Is “Your” Responsibility!

Five years ago, after getting out of the shower and going through my daily ritual of moisturizing my body with body oil, I was looking at my reflection in the mirror and I could see where the impressions of my bra straps were starting to cut into my skin.

My first thought was, I needed to apply coco butter to this area in order to fade these markings.

While massaging the coco butter into my skin, as I reached my right underarm area; I felt a hard solid lump, about the size of a small robin’s egg. In order to feel this lump, my arm had to be extended backwards as if I were trying to reach behind me. In any other position I couldn’t feel it.

All my life from a very early age, I have been doing self-breast exams and I had never detected anything abnormal with my breast. As I was saying, in order to feel this solid mass, my arm had to be in an unusual position.

Immediately, I became alarmed. It was after 5 o’clock in the evening and the medical centers were already closed for the day. The first thing the following morning I went to see my family physician. After he examined me, he sent me to a surgeon at one of the local hospitals.

With the location of this mass, it was extremely hard to detect, so the surgeon sent me for an ultrasound. At the completion of my examination, my surgeon advised me that whatever it was, it needed to be removed. My biopsy was scheduled for the following week.

In the days prior to my surgery I talked to many people. Many women who assured me that it was probably nothing. Many of them had also had minor surgeries for cysts of the breast; so by the time my surgery date arrived I was feeling quite confident that it was nothing. They were going to remove the lump and everything was going to be alright.

When I checked into the hospital my family was with me. I remember laughing with them about how hungry I was since I couldn’t eat anything after midnight the night prior, and it was already after 12:30 pm the next day.

My surgeon, Dr. Matthews, was the absolute best. I felt so relaxed and comfortable in his care. After I was given my “happy medicine” the last thing I remember was him taking my hand and saying a prayer. When I came to, I was back in my private room surrounded by my family. I was starving to death and so ready to be discharged. I was mid-conversation with my mother when the doctor walked in— I saw the look on his face and I knew…

Chapter excerpt taken from “I Need Therapy”
Copyright (c) 2006 Glenda A. Wallace

 

 

 

 

 

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